Escape: People and Animals Think Alike

by T-Bone

These two recent news stories seem connected at the verb; so I put them together because the man and beast in both plots seem to share some brain cells, albeit the beast displayed higher intelligence.

Seems a 20-pound tabby cat went astray in Portland, Oregon after his owner went to Seattle for a medical procedure. In my escaped animal knowledge, most stray cats are wiry little scrappers who look like Christopher Walken after a bad night on the town. Hercules, however, turned his six months on the lam into a carbo-loading binge and probably a few adventures worthy of Charlie the Cougar in a Disney flick. A 20-pound house cat sounds like the third cousin of that 1,100-pound hog from Atlanta.

The fat cat was apprehended only after getting stuck in a pet door while trying to sneak into a home to chow down on some dog food. After six months on his culinary catwalk, Hercules must have contributed to the near-starvation of several dogs along his lumbering escape route. Seventeen dogs were reported to have made up a canine posse looking for the Alpo-snarfing cat.

Of course, as is the case with seemingly every single thing that happens on earth now, Catzilla (nicknamed Goliath by his rescuers from the animal shelter) showed up  on YouTube.

In an unrelated story (that should have been related in some way), an escaped convict in New York jumped out of a police car after kicking out the back window and ran, still cuffed, into a building and hid behind a door – the door to the headquarters of the county sheriff's office.

If we're choosing sides, I'll take the fat feline for $500, Alex.

Expect them both to be on The View soon calling Rosie O'Donnell names.