Maybe you've heard this important news story already. A high school art teacher from the Richmond, VA area has been suspended from his job because he paints pictures with his butt (not to be confused with an artist who paints on his butt; a much more common occurrence).
School officials say he is setting a bad example. He says he is "proud of the ass painting" that depicts abstract floral images; he calls them "anthropometric monotypes" and says he learned the technique in college (if painting with your butt can be called a technique).
According to the news stories, the "impressionist" dips his rear and genitals in paint and presses the whole hebang against canvas. His "ass-paintings" (I'm calling them as they are) apparently sell for close to $1000 each. See for yourself.
So let me get this straight. In a world where graduates with physics degrees can't find a job, where folks are starving and homeless, with the national debt the highest in history, a high school art teacher is fired for selling canvas that he's wiped his butt on – for a grand a piece?
I say we should put the guy in charge of something, maybe Harvard, because if he can sell "ass paintings" for that much, he's smarter than 90% of my teachers or professors ever were. Most of my teachers just acted like asses. None of them took it to the next level and turned the other cheek, and a profit too.
This guy has elevated what I long suspected (teachers sitting on their butts) and turned it into an art form, and in doing so has become a major pain in the posterior to school administrators.
The school system said the Supreme Court has stated that schools must teach by example and that teachers and parents are role models. So what's not a good example? It's not like he's smooshing his crack on their diplomas. Heck, if they paid teachers like the role models they claim they should be, (commensurate with NBA'ers, NFL'ers, MLB'ers, etc.) then maybe the instructors wouldn't have to sell their asses off on the side.
Got a child in public school these days? I do. Somebody better tell the Supreme Court the ugly news that the dog ate their role model homework and somebody missed 4th period.
Here's what they have done: They made his ass famous. They gave the guy free national advertising – job numero uno for a struggling artist. He and Brittney Spears can hang out now - literally.
Van Gogh cut an ear off and never sold a painting in his life. This guy will sell heinie prints out the wazoo because of the national press he got. Has your business gotten national wire service coverage and prime shots on all the big news networks? No? Then show your ass. Film at eleven.
"If I thought I could get that kind of free PR," said a cake baker in Mechanicsville, Virginia, "I'd have dropped trow years ago and gone straight to cooking buttcakes."
I just hope my butt isn't allergic to Sherwin-Williams. I see an $800 sandalwood and sea foam green moon arising.
If you are interested in winning $100, paint a picture with your privates and enter to win here! www.paintwithyourprivates.com
Posted by: JNight | November 08, 2007 at 12:16 PM
You and I have common interests! You are my part of the story!
Posted by: Ajf 6 | July 17, 2010 at 01:42 AM
With luck, this process is already under way.
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